The Irony of Conservatism

When you hear the label "Conservative" it evokes a controlled, patient and comforting image of the careful planner running the country in a very safe manner. Especially in recent years, this image is totally at odds with the frothing mass of borderline psychotic religious zealots that have crawled out of the right wing woodwork.

con·ser·va·tive

adj.

1. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change.

2. Traditional or restrained in style: a conservative dark suit.

3. Moderate; cautious: a conservative estimate.

4. Tending to conserve; preservative: the conservative use of natural resources

The actual definition of conservative would suggest a very careful group of people who always make rational judgments based on reality. Unfortunately, as in Orwell's 1984, some major doublespeak has led to the conservative label being thrown on the least conservative bunch in politics. Modern conservatives only follow the first out of the four definitions of conservatism, this the label really isn't that accurate.

1. Favoring traditional views and values; tending to oppose change. -- This segment of the definition is accurate when describing conservatives. The right wing has opposed all social change from civil rights to gender equality in the past 50 years. In this one way, conservatism has truth in advertising.
2. Traditional or restrained in style -- I want anybody to look at the tea party and then try to say that the conservative movement is either traditional or restrained in style with a straight face; it is simply impossible to refer to these crazy people as traditional or restrained.
3. Moderate; cautious -- What part of starting two wars, destroying the US economy, or holding a metaphorical gun to the head of the American public in hostage negotiating in recent arguments can POSSIBLY be considered cautious. As for the moderate portion of the definition, the right wing is so far right now that they are starting to fall off a cliff.
4. Tending to conserve; preservative -- conservatives are the very last people to suggest any conservation of the environment or the entitlement safety net of the United States. 

From now on, I suggest referring to the two political extremes as progressives for the left wing and regressives  for the right wing; there is more truth in referring to the conservatives as regressives because they simply aren't conservative in any way.


The Sarcastic Liberal